Friday, December 31, 2010

Going out with a Bang

I love this picture taken Christmas Eve. When I look at it I see a healthy mom, at ease with herself, having fun holding her crazy kid. This picture makes me smile :)

This has been a wonderful year. Tonight Ryan and I finish it off with a bang running the Brita Resolution Run, 10km. Last year at this time I would never have imagined in my wildest dreams that we would be doing that.

Last year I was thinking that I needed to get healthy, and make changes. Like any new year, my list of new year's resolutions included getting fit and loosing weight. I even started an online class in Jan about health and scrapbooking. It was a bit of a joke. Aside from a few cool journalling exercises it was a bit of a flop, mostly on my part. I had a lot of false starts in the begging of the year, including this blog. My dear friend and I came up with the idea for the blog. I thought it was an awesome idea to write and do right by my body and soul. It took me a very long time to actually get into the blog. I just wasn't ready. I was stuck in my black and white thinking, I was stuck in a tired, overweight body, I was trapped in my mind. It took taking something like 6 pregnancy tests in less than a week for to me realize just how consumed and crazy I was. I blogged and the journey here began.

I started moving. I moved a lot. I breathed, sweated, gasped, jumped, stretched, I even ran. I ran for 10 min, then 20, then 30...1mile...2 km...5km...10. As I moved I wanted to eat better, I fueled my body. I didn't DIEt. I enjoyed food. Most of all I have really enjoyed exercising. Truly. At the end of a spin class one day the instructor said "this feeling right now (that post workout sweat, glow, rush) don't ever take it for granted!" That really stuck with me. I am thankful not only for my bodies ability to do this but my minds ability too. Its not just physical limitations that can keep you from exercising, the 'disability' of the mind is just as real and far more common. When I start a workout I usually say a little prayer...I thank God for my body's ability to do this, for being able to go to the gym (I am so thankful for that), and for my children being taken care of while I do this.

Best of all, I have not traveled this path alone. My husband, Ryan, has been there with me. I can't tell you how much this has changed 'us' and 'our family'. Just the other day while driving home from Christmas Ryan said to me that "Right Now we are living the best years of our lives!" He is so right, and I for one want to make the most of them being fit and healthy. Our new weekend routine is a family trip to the gym on Sat mornings. This summer we pulled the kids in the bike trailer all over the place enjoying the summer and fall. Then there is the 'us' part. Let me tell you there is a whole lot of squeezes and kisses and admiring of each others ASSests :) LOL Its amazing how much your 'love' life changes when you feel good about yourself. AMAZING!

This year has also brought a lot of healing. I have reconnected with friends. I have asked for forgiveness and kindly been given forgiveness. I have made new friends and enjoyed my good friends. I have had the AHA moments, and done battle with my inner demons so to speak.

So 2011 what will you bring?

I want to slow down and let go off the not so important things. I want to enjoy my children as a stay at home Mom while I can. I want my family and I to play and explore.

I want to enjoy my hubby and share things with him. I want to go on romantic dates, double dates, find fun active things like Dragon Boat racing to do. I want to to listen to him, and talk. I want to enjoy his music.

I want to make my own dreams come true...I want to write and I want to run a half marathon.

I want to always feel this happy and grateful.

2011.....are you ready?

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The Dreaded Injury

The thing I have been dreading has happened...an injury. I have a pulled muscle or something in my neck and shoulders and its very painful. I think it happened last Friday when I was pulling the kids in the sled to school, compounded with bad sleep position and general overuse in lifting weights in class. Saturday I woke up in a great deal of pain, the day of Ryan's gala of all days. I booked a 75 minute theraputic massage. The therapist was amazing and spent most of her time working on my neck and shoulders. It wasn't the relaxing massage I am used to, it hurt most of the time. But it did help. She also said that the tendons in my ankles we very tight and I have been sore there too. She gave me a stern lecture on stretching more (and I admit I am not very good at this, I am too impatient) and stopping when I feel pain.
Here's the funny thing about how I got hurt. I got hurt outside of the gym and not during a workout. I got hurt on a day when I had to WALK the kids to school because I locked the keys in the car. I hate winter. I hate the snow. I hate being outside. I was an unhappy camper walking them to school. Too try and make the most of it I loaded them in the sled and pretended I was in a BIGGEST LOOSER CHALLENGE...and I pulled that sleigh like immunity depended on it. Yep I got hurt being an idiot LOL.
So Sunday I was hungover and obviously took the day off working out. I also took Monday off even though I was feeling quite a bit better (although my calves are very tight from hiking around in very high heels for the first time in 2 years). This morning I had planned on doing a PUMP class, but somehow I don't think lifting a heavy weighted bar is going to be a good thing. I do need to get a work out in though, so I think a light easy run today will do the trick. I will see how the day goes and maybe a trip to the chiro will be in order this evening. I hope to be pain free soon because this sucks (now when I sneeze I not only have to worry about not peeing my pants, but the dreaded OUCH that HURTS!)
PS. I look like my mom walking around with my heating pad on my neck :)

Sunday, December 19, 2010

I made it into the dress


Last night was Ryan's Christmas party. I had been looking forward to this night for sometime, the chance to dress up and go out with ADULTS and PARTY :) It was also a special night for me in that dressing up in a form fitting dress was a chance to show myself how far I had come. I must say that with my spanx on and my nylons and high heels (first time in high heels in almost 2 years!) I felt pretty darn good. We parked really far from the event and I was thankful for my new found strong body that was able to hike it in tall heels like a pro. I enjoyed an awesome dinner, lots of red wine, and good company. I did learn one down fall to wearing spanx that being that every time I went to the washroom they became harder and harder to wrestle back into. Near the end of the night I even considered ditching them all together. But I was afraid I would explode out of my dress! LOL
I must confess today has been a rough day, I went to bed at 3:30 last night, having consumed much to much wine. I have felt hungover all day and have medicated the feeling with McDonalds, sugar juices, and more crap. I fear if I tried to put that dress on tonight even the power of spanx could not help me. Back to the gym tomorrow though, and working on my next milestone the New Year's Resolution Run.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Sugar and the Holy Spirit

I am having one of those days. I couldn't get to the gym today for a variety of reasons, two of which involved driving to the other end of the city to do some good deeds. The girls and I were at the mall for dinner and I ate fries with the WORKS...VEGGIE WORKS which is cheese, sour cream, and green onions...I guess the green onions make it VEGGIE LOL. Our ride home was horrible. I was stressed driving in the dark, the girls were misbehaving and I took two wrong turns while YELLING at them to stop YELLING. Needless to say when we go home I was stressed. It was my night off from putting the kids to bed and instead I volunteered to do it and let Ryan go to the gym for a workout. I soon found myself in front of the sugar cookies we baked eating two of them. It wasn't long before the old self loathing kicked in and the metal berating. The devil at work. I put the kids to bed and settled in when the phone rang. I got a call tonight with inspiration and motivation from the most unlikely of sources. We had a great talk and I hung up the phone feeling much better. A little while passed and they called back....having thought of something else to say....its hard to explain this but while we were talking it was like we were holding a match on fire (that being the holy spirit) and by the end of our conversation it was the OLYMPIC TORCH. I truly felt the HOLY SPIRIT at work today. I know it sounds hokey poky...but its alive in me and it feels GREAT..and I have missed that feeling :)

Monday, December 6, 2010

GREEN DAY

I have officially reached GREEN level on Nike + 255KM since May 2010 :) Kind of liking that today :)

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Back at er

Pictures taken today because I am feeling very relieved after a 6 day break from the gym. I am feeling almost healthy again today and went to the gym. I had an easy run, did 5km in 48min, 58sec. I even got on the scale today and have lost 36 pounds since May. I have gone from a size 22 to a 16. I thought these pictures were good comparisons. I have lost weight in my tummy area in the last month. I can't believe I am sharing side pictures with you GASP!. I am sucking it in like there is no tomorrow in both pictures and holding me breath!. But even then there is a difference between now and August. The picture below is from my first day at he gym in May.

So I survived being sick and away from the gym. The world did not fall apart and I didn't either. I had a good run today. I didn't feel as strong as I normal do, but that was to be expected. It wasn't a hard run either though. I have noticed two things in the last month about my weight loss.
1. I am loosing weight...DUH:) But no really I am more now then before. I think its the spinning I have been doing, its a CALORIE TORCHER.
2. I may be loosing weight but I am getting VERY FLABBY!!! Naked I look disgusting. My stomach HANGS all deflated...the pouch hangs deflated...my boobs..oh my beloved boobs...they hang even more than before and have deflated some too (they don't fill my bra as they used to). I have been doing a lot more cardio in my workouts and less strength training and you can see it.
So this month I have a 10km race at the end of Dec (in the snow). I do need to prepare for that firstly, and my second focus is going to be strength and toning.
So as Kasey would say....TA DA!!!!!!!

LOL

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Still sick

Still sick...its been FIVE DAYS since I have worked out. Really Really hoping to get to the gym tomorrow.

In the meantime I was looking through my other blog and found this post from Jan 2007 and thought it was kind of interesting.

Enjoy :)

Monday, November 29, 2010

Strep Throat it is

I got home from the Dr's office a little while ago after a painful day of laying in bed. I do indeed have strep throat. I am hoping that by this time tomorrow night I will be feeling much better and hopefully with any luck back at the gym doing a light workout Wednesday. In the meantime, I am going to rest as best I can with 2 kids to take care of and try not to be stress about not working out. The old Katie would use this an excuse to hang in the towel. But the new Katie will get back on that spin bike and sweat :)

Sick and feeling anxious

I am sick. Tired of being sick.

Today my glands are swollen and sore and I can barely swallow. I am going to go see the Dr. today. Its been 2 weeks now of either being sick myself or having sick kids to take care of. We have gone through a stomach bug and barfs, and now colds, and not sure what this is Strep Throat??

I have not worked out since Friday, and I wasn't feeling well Friday so all I did was 20 min. The week before I missed days being sick.

I am feeling anxious about not working out. I am afraid of what it will feel like when I get back to the gym. How much 'fitness' will I have lost. Ryan and I have a 10km race at the end of Dec in the freaking snow.

I think what is saving me from gaining weight is that I feel so sick that I have no appetite and haven't been eating much (well compared to normal LOL). That alone says how sick I must feel. I never loose my appetite!

Here's to turning the corner soon....please.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Roller Coaster Ride and Dress Maker's Suck

The last 4 days have been a roller coaster ride of emotion for me. I got sick Saturday afternoon and went downhill fast. I spent that night throwing up. Sunday I spent the majority of the day in bed, and even missed the Santa Claus Parade :( Monday I was feeling better but not 100%. It was I could handle to get the girls to and from school and tidy a bit. Tuesday I was back to normal, but Kasey was sick with a cold, and with my having been sick, and Kayleigh sick last week another day stuck inside was hard. All 3 of us were crawling the walls and I was very very short tempered. Ryan came home last night and I ran out the door to the gym. I did an hour pump class in a really hot room (the circulation was broken), although it felt good to work out again I felt weak. After the gym, I had a little showdown with Kayleigh at bed time that led me to yell and then later melt down in Ryan's arms. I went to bed last night feeling spent, physically and mentally. I slept all night long and so did the kids (that is very rare). This morning I woke up with a renewed energy and faith in my being patient with the kids. I took Kayleigh to the gym with me this morning and she didn't want to go. I explained why Mommy I had to (to be healthy and sane), and told her after I would do something of her choosing with her. She went APE SHIT when I tried to leave her. I knew that I had to break clean and get out the door. I told the ladies to get me in 10 min if she was still upset. I bee lined it to the treadmill. I didn't get water. I didn't even get my ipod out. For all I knew I had 10 min, and I really needed those 10 min. I got on, didn't warm up just started running, and running fast. At 10 min I paused and snuck back to the kids room and she was happily playing as if nothing ever happened. I got back on the treadmill with water and music and did speed intervals for 20 min. It was amazing. I felt so fast. I felt so good. I felt like I was sweating out all my frustrations, and negativity. This afternoon I went dress shopping with Kasey to find something for Ryan's gala. I tried on a size 14 dress for shits and giggles and holy BAT MAN it fit! It really fit! It wasn't even tight. But it also didn't look good on me LOL ! Go Figure. I did find THE DRESS though and I love it and I think it looks great on me and its a 1x. I tired some dresses on at Sears last week and I had to wear a size 20! HELLO PEOPLE WHO MAKE DRESSES...can you please standardize your sizes because you messing with our minds! So that being said I will take the size 14 dress that fit as a victory even though it looked like heck on me and go find some new dress shoes.

Friday, November 19, 2010

challenges



Its been one of those weeks. Kind of funny that I have had one of those weeks right after saying I was ready to bring on my A Game and take it to the next level.....I did say that right?

Kayleigh my 4 year old has been very sick this week and because of that going to the gym during the day has not been an option for us. This week has really brought 'home' how lucky I am to be able to work out at the gym during the day. Finding the energy and WANT to workout in the evening is a challenge for me. Hence, I have taken to days off this week already and I rarely take 2 days off and its only Friday. Today is another no gym day, but I am going to force myself to workout in my basement this morning. Level 3 shred plus 10 min of another DVD. Have to do what I have to do even if I don't like it.
The other challenge that has come about from not being at the gym each morning is the lack of endorphin rush. I am not sure if I have talked about this here but about a month ago I went OFF of Prozac! First time since high school that I have not been on prozac or paxil for anxiety. So let me tell you I have felt the lack of endorphins this week and have been climbing the walls a wee bit.
Climbing the walls indeed! Stuck in the living room almost all day with a sick child and trying not to eat every muffin and carb in sight to cope with the boredom was hard!

Yesterday night I decied to give myself a break, I will leave you with my Facebook status last night :)

"Drinking wine with dinner, going to HIDE the Jillian Shred DVD so she can't find me....maybe the freezer will take out velvet cheesecake to make room"

it was sooooo good :)

PS. Check this out....play along.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Muffins and decisions...

I made muffins today. Somewhat healthy muffins but when you eat 3 I think they loose some of the healthy factor. I love muffins. I would go into the pits of hell for a muffin. Making them this morning seemed like a good idea, the kids had fun, and it cheered up a sick little Kasey. But now the muffins are calling me. I will have to put them away and not touch them anymore. One bite will lead to 4 whole muffins. I know myself. I am like a drug addict around these babies. So I will take my 3 and move on.

Which leads me to what's next for me. I have been working out for just over 5.5 months. I have gone from a Size 22 to being able to wear some of my size 16 clothes. I am close to my WW weight (I snuck on the scale at the gym the other day). I am doing really well in the fitness dept. I am pushing myself hard and getting stronger and fitter each step of the way. I really enjoy working out. Its not hard for me.
What is hard is the food. I have made many changes in regards to the food and yet I have not changed many things.
I still eat all the things I love, muffins, candy cane cheese cake, choc, mashed potatoes, pizza etc. I am having a high protein shake most mornings. I am choosing a healthy lunch most days. I have trouble snacking in the afternoon, mostly out of boredom, habit, or stress. For dinner I try to eat a proper portion of whatever I make. I am making dinner most of the time now, and eating out far less. I enjoy my treats in the evenings.
I could do better in the food dept. I could loose more weight by doing this.

So do I?

So far I have lost weight slowly and steadily. I have done quite well with the not getting trapped into the black and white DIEt thinking that in the past has done me so much harm.
I have been happy, I have enjoyed, I haven't been denied.

BUT?

But I would like to break 20o pounds. Even if I weighed 199 pounds for the rest of my life, I would be very happy with that. I weigh about 223 pounds now. At this weight I dare say some days I feel skinny LOL. Yes an over 200 pound woman just said somedays she feels skinny! But I do. And I don't hate looking in the mirror anymore (well clothed that is naked is a whole other story). I enjoy buying new clothes.

So is the effort to break that 200 worth it? I have a shirt in my closet that I LOVE!!!! I bought it when I was WW years ago and never fit into it. I would love to wear that shirt!

I will not DIEt. Will not Can not!

But I am able to make more changes and do better.

I think its time. I think its time to bring my A Game :) Within reason of course because I am still going enjoy all my 'treats' especially Christmas treats but I don't think I need to enjoy them everyday.

So here we go :)




picture credit here.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Have you checked out BRAVE GIRLS CLUB?

Image from Brave Girls Club.

Trust me when I say you need grab a coffee and find 20 min of ME time and read this!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Level 3 SHRED!

I am committed to working out, and on days like today when I can't get to the gym I have to pull out the dreaded Jillian 30 DAY SHRED.

Let me back track a bit. I bought the 30 Day Shred well over a year ago. Ryan and I made a go at doing it a few times a week and well you know how that turned out LOL (we stopped and ate more and got fatter). Back when we started the series we could barely get through the level one jumping jacks and 2 min cardio session. My legs honestly felt like they were going to do give out.

Here I am today after 5.5 months of working out at the gym (spinning, running, pumping) and I can do level 3! I even managed to do the advances options on many of the moves. I was making grunting noises like they do on the Biggest Looser (I love that show).

I enjoyed it. Best part it was only 20 min. I think I should add this to my routine at least once a week, if not twice.

Now I am eating some (like a big handful LOL) of candy cane Hershey Kisses, and may I say those wrappers are a PAIN IN THE ASS!

Monday, November 8, 2010

Race BIb Album

I made this album to document the 2 races Ryan and I ran in, The Army Run 5km, and the Rattle Me Bones 10km. On Dec 31st we will have two more bibs to add after the 10km Resolution Run. Who knows maybe next year we will have a pair of half marathon ones :) One can DREAM.

The cover is sticky back canvas on chipboard. I laid a piece of lace cut KI number paper on it and glimmer misted.

I hung the dog tags and medals we received off the side of the album.
The Army Run's Playlist in the library pocket.
I brushed a clear glimmer glaze over the bibs.
Our times on a tag.




Times on the tag, and a map of the course.





Rattle Me Bones Playlist.



Photobucket

Saturday, November 6, 2010

10 min what will you do today

I laced up my running shoes this morning and headed out into a cold frost covered morning. I expected the worse, having not run outdoors in a long while, and it being so cold. I was totally surprised to find myself having a great run, I felt strong and fit, and may I even dare say light on my feet. I ran in the beautiful outdoors here in Norland, I actually had the goosebumps as I took in the fall colors, and the light glistening on the lake. While I ran I thought of something that my spin instructor said yesterday. She said with each pedal stroke we were getting stronger, so while I ran I thought to myself I am getting stronger with each step.

Today I ran 5km for me. I ran 5km for my children, my husband, and my loved ones.

5.5 months ago I ran for the first time in 10 years. I ran for 10 min.

What will you do for yourself today with 10 min?

Friday, November 5, 2010

Lacing up my running shoes

I am heading to my parents in Norland (cottage country) for the weekend, which means that to get my workout in I need to lace up my running shoes for an EEEK OUTDOOR RUN. I had my first run (5km) last night since running Rattle Me Bones 2 weeks ago (don't worry I have still been working out hard doing other stuff). It was an indoor run on the treadmill, with no wind or cold air to aggravate my asthma. It was a so-so run. I started off strong, feeling like I was flying, I was air drumming to Green Day while running (I don't want to know what that looked like). Then the dreaded stitch in the side hit. I believe that stitch was the damn croissant I ate before going to the gym, being lodged into my side to remind me I should not have eaten it. I also a had a prostar crazy ass mother runner next to me, and if you know me that means I was trying hard to keep up. So this weekend I will be lacing up the running shoes and braving the weather, whether it be cold, warm, wet or EEEK GADS SNOW...you never know! I do look forward to the beautiful scenery and actually going somewhere. Plus, since I am out in the boonies the chances of 'running' into a badass mother runner are low...wink.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Gym Stuff and What's Next

Its been a week since Rattle Me Bones and I have only run for 10 min. I haven't been slacking though. I have been having some fun mixing it up at the gym.

Monday: I did intervals on various cardio machines
Tuesday: Pump with Ryan and a really HOT GUY instructor, best pump yet go figure :)
Wednesday: Spin Class
Thursday Combat and 10 min run.
Friday: cardio machine rotation and 10 min of ROWING

A few insights from the gym this week:

1. STINK IS GOOD. Wednesday morning when I headed off to spin in the morning I didn't have time to shower first, and as gross as this is the truth is I had done PUMP the night before and come home and crashed without showering. So I really should have showered in the morning. I layered on the deodorant hoping that would work. Sure enough as we started spinning I noticed that my pits were stinking....eeeewwww...I was so embarressed. I kept my arms tucked in, in perfect form to keep the stink in. I also pedaled like a maniac somehow thinking the faster I went the sooner I would be done (didn't quite factor in the fact the bike is stationary LOL). So stink most definitely equaled great workout.
2. There is a reason I am good at Running and Spinning. That reason is that there is no coordination involved. I did Combat Thursday for the first time in months and it was a new release class with all new moves. Let's just say I am thankful I did a 10 min run first, which hopefully helped make up for all the time I stood there going "HUHHHHHHH." I am really proud of myself for sticking out the class and not running for the door.
3. I really enjoyed rowing. I did 10 min, which is 5 min more than when I tried it 4 months ago. It felt so good. I felt powerful and athletic doing it. I was able to bring myself right into my knees because my tummy isn't in the way like it used to be. I was totally channeling Silken Laumann!

This week was a good workout week. It was fun to change up the usual routine. Now that Rattle Me Bones is over and our next race isn't till Dec 31st I would like to ease off the running and spend more time Spinning, Rowing, Pumping (2x a week rather than once), and doing Athletic Drills Class. Dec 1st I will get back on the 10km training. I figure until then I will likely run once a week. I want to change things up for a number of reasons, including wanting a more INTENSE kind of workout. When I run its not intense, its endurance. Although, I have been wrangled into some track work next week (stay tuned for that).

Happy Halloween All :)

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Rattle Me Bones

Before the run man its early :)
On the way to the race Ryan needing more coffee
After the race high and goofy :)
HOTTY PANTS
Runners in love :)
So proud of my little medal.
and why we do it :) LOL

Ryan and I ran the Rattle Me Bones 10km race today. We ran it unofficially in 1 hour 9 min and 30-some seconds. My best time before being 1 hr 17 min. WE KICKED BUTT :) actually we slapped ass! lol We kept slapping each other in the butt to keep the pace and have fun while we ran.
We both felt great despite the light rain, and very cold wind. It was a fun race with lots of people dressed up in Halloween Gear. We ran at a good pace, one that was comfortable for us. We felt good the whole way. Even though we were faster over all than any other time we have run that far , it felt so much easier. When we ran 10km at my parents in Sept we struggled much of the way. I am not sure if it was the adrenaline from the race environment, my awesome new playlist of tunage, slapping Ryan on the butt, stealing looks at each other....or what. But it felt so good and was fun. At 9km, we gave each other the thumbs up, put our power songs on and kicked it! Personally I was determined to get ahead of the chicken man (he was running like a chicken!) and we did. I think I kicked into high gear to fast though because very soon I thought I was going to keel over and barf...but I kept on pushing...beats kicking it in my ear, and Ryan urging me on. 1 hr 9 min and 34secs aprox. I am SO PROUD OF THAT TIME you have no idea!
After ward, we went out for breakfast and rehashed the race, totally excited and happy. We both talked about how happy we were to have done it together, to be doing this together and changing our lifestyle as a family.
Today was an awesome day.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Butterflies

Ryan and I picked up our Race Kits today for Sunday's 10km Rattle Me Bones Race. I have a swarm of butterflies in my tummy. I took the last two days off working out. I had taken Thursday off as my day off (I try to and usually do workout 6 days a week). However, Friday's workout was thrown for a curve with a sick 2 year old, and an emergency tooth extraction for the 4 year old. Friday was a very stressful day and I dealt with it by eating. I had McDonald's for lunch, Pizza and chocolate for dinner, and more chocolate in the evening while watching a movie. Oh and a chocolate espresso brownie from Starbucks too. I went to bed Friday night feeling gross and panicking about Sunday's race. In my mind I thought I had ruined all my training and work by not working out two days in a row and stuffing myself beyond full with food. Friday was an awful day. From start to finish. I tried to turn it around. At 4:00pm yesterday I decided to go into the basement and try to do level 2 of the SHRED DVD. I had the kids in the basement bugging me and wanting me to do stuff for them. I should have done level 1, level 2 had me doing jarring moves on my knees and they started to hurt a little. I stopped immediately thinking a 20 min workout was not worth an injury days before the race. I know it was the smart thing to do, but it left me a million times more frustrated and stressed than I had been before trying to workout. Friday was a classic case of eating to deal with stress and doing all the wrong things.

Today, I had planned to go do a spinning class in the morning while Kayleigh was at Tap. Only I had left all my stuff in the Van that Ryan took to tap. grrrrrrrr. Instead of flipping out I waited for Ryan to come home and we all went to the gym together. I ran 5km on the treadmill at an easy 4.7 mile pace at 1% incline to practice MY 10km pace. It felt good, and I felt much better about being able to do the 10km Sunday.

After the gym we went to get the race kits and our shirts. I love the shirts! They are yellow and long sleeved and it FITS! Much better than my Army Run shirt did.

I am excited for tomorrow now. I know I can do it. Slow and Steady. I am excited to be running it with Ryan.

Most of all I know that I can SLIP and SLIP big time and still be ok.

Letting go of this black and white thinking is hard, but its going to be what truly saves me in the end. Letting go of it will really allow me to be free and healthy.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Traded the gym for nature


I traded the gym this morning for nature :) The girls and I went to a local nature park this morning, in the forest and fed birds from our hands. It was cold and cloudy, but under the canopy of fall leaves we were surrounded by nature's beauty. It was simply amazing to have all of these 'wild' birds eating out of our hands. The mornings adventure simply made me happy. We didn't work up a sweat but it did do wonders for the health of our spirit.

PS. The Hot Chocolate afterwards also warmed our souls :)

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Shaking it baby

I have been shaking it up for 3 mornings now and wanted to share how its going. I bought this shake from Arbonne, in Vanilla.

First let me back track and tell you a little bit about my breakfast habits and what they lead to. What gets me out of my bed in the morning is the promise of coffee. I love my morning coffee and its rituals (like blog reading LOL). What goes really well with coffee in my book is CARBS. My favorite being muffins, cookies to dip in coffee ( I have been known to eat half a sleeve of arrowroots), English muffins, and croissants. Since beginning my health journey I have tried to stay clear of these choices but they do sneak in. Instead, I have been choosing healthier versions like toast and PB, or even a good healthy bowl of high fiber cereal and 1% milk. But even these healthier choices leave me feeling hungry by 10:00am (I should note I exercise most mornings), which leads to snacking (and not always the healthy snacks). For a time in the summer I was making my own shakes with almond milk, yogurt, frozen berries and banana. The shakes were really yummy and filled me up all morning. But I hated making them, getting the blender out, cleaning it etc. The WORK of the shake soon led to NO shake, and me being hungry by 10.

So you can see why I was curious about trying a shake in the morning. So Monday, Tuesday and Today I have had my Vanilla Shake. 2 scoops of powder and a cup of 1% milk (it calls for water but I figure go for the extra calcium, since I don't drink milk this is a good thing for me) into a mason jar, lid on, and shake. EASY PEASY! CHECK
Taste: yummmmmm tolerable...more tolerable today than Monday...almost tasted good today.
Satisfying? YES INDEED and that makes up for the not so AMAZING taste. I have had my shake and my coffee and headed out to the gym and I am FULL ALL MORNING.

The rest of the days have been so much better too. I don't know if its part of a 'mind' thing that is coinciding with the taking of the shake, or the shake itself. Whatever, it is its working for me. My lunch and dinner choices have been much healthier and mindful. My WEAK ZONE has been much better. I have a WEAK ZONE in the afternoon, where I tend to snack non stop. This week I have had a sensible snack and that's it. Part of this is due to another ARBONNE product I am trying....these chews(in choclate) I am eating one in between meals, they are chocolate lovers dream and slow eating as they are chewy. It helps me stay off the mindless snacking, and when I am truly hungry I have a sensible snack.

I also bought the detox tea, to drink once a month for 10 days. I love tea and this seemed like something good to add to my 'mix.'

Must say so far I am very happy with my new products. Who knows if they will translate into weight loss, but for me what is important is right now they are helping me feel better feel full, and make good choices. WOOT WOOT to that !

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

A little motivation

Did this didgi page today, to help remind me that I am on the right path, that changes are happening physically. I feel the changes in strength, and fitness, and in my mind and spirit. I just needed help 'seeing' the changes. Thanks for the idea Mell :)

Saturday, October 16, 2010

This is the new me

Literally saw the sun rise this morning....this is the new me.

Up at 15 to 7 to run.
Out of bed, brushed teeth, inhaler, clothes, out the door.
Cold, wheezing lungs, creeky bones, wanting so badly to turn around and go back to bed.
Slow shuffle, mind battles.

Then the light changes.
The sun is rising.
Ray of light comes on my iPod.
My spirit rises too.

This is the new me.

Thank-you God.

Amen.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Turkey Run

Ryan and I did our first 10km together yesterday morning :) On the country highway, in Norland, oh the hills were tough :) I am feeling those hills today, oh yes I am. It was a great run, we went slow (likely a little slow for Ryan) and were able to run the whole 10km. Its a hilly road, and we had to run on gravel most of the way which is a very different running surface, add in the cold air which makes me wheeze and we still had a good run. Far from easy but good.

Many points during our run I would think of how cool it was that we were doing this together. I can't tell you how happy that made me. Then there are the Autumn colors in full splendor and the view of the lake. We are in cottage country here and it is beautiful. Running here is so much better than running on a treadmill staring at the display, no matter how hilly it is.

So today is turkey day, and I indulged quite a bit already this weekend. I am feeling the need to go for a run today, but my body is sore and creeky. Maybe a slow easy short run, and taking it easy on the Turkey Dinner is in order. I really did use up my indulgence card already (OOOPS). Despite my indulgence, my mind is in a good place. I enjoyed the food yesterday and even more I enjoyed the company it was eaten in. I had an awesome day with my family yesterday.

Happy Turkey Day :)

Thursday, October 7, 2010

A+++++!

Just got back from the Dr's :) And she gave me a A+++++! for real :) LOL Seriously she wrote that in my file and I told her I was going to blog about it. This is another one of those non weight/scale related successes. I had an awesome report, great blood pressure, eye sight, hearing, reflexes, boobs, down there region, fitness, nutrition the whole kit and caboodle :) So good to here someone tell me that I am doing well and better than well. She was really happy to hear how the whole family is being healthy.

PS. I put THE JEANS (size 16) on again and they are fitting even better, still not quite comfortable enough to wear but getting there.

YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Hoping for an A+

I have my annual physical today, with my very favorite family Dr and I am hoping for an A+. I want to please her and have her be proud of me, kind of like a kid LOL. I can't wait to tell her how I have been running and working out and all the changes I have made.
Wish me luck :)

Monday, October 4, 2010

Monday

Ahhh Monday :) In the past Monday was quite the day, the day that I put all my hope into, the day I dreamed of changing all my unhealthy behaviors magically at once and erasing my transgressions. When this Magic Monday rolled around, things never really changed. If I was lucky there was a half hearted attempt at change, but usually my hope was just transferred to the promise of the following week.

This Monday is not like that. This Monday is really just an ordinary day, a day like any other in the past 4 months or so. I plan on working out today. I think today I will run, for an hour. I am grocery shopping today, and have a menu plan. I have a lot of cleaning to do too, maybe today can be a magic Monday after all and the cleaning fairies will visit.

Monday, and yet today is a little different and special. Today is different from those past Mondays in that this past weekend I did indulge. I indulged in gourmet spa food and gourmet picnic food and it was good so good. Might I just say I think I discovered why they call the cheese we ate blue HAZE LOL :) stinky cheese :). I indulged and loved every exquisite bite. I also biked. The whole family, went into Gatineau to see the fall colors. Ryan and I took turns pulling the 90lb weight off the bike trailer (oh my gosh the hills were brutal). We exercised as a family had fun and ate lovely yummy food. So this Monday I have no guilt. I have not placed all my hope in a mythical day. I am living right now. Moving. Breathing. and Nourishing.

I feel very good today.

Friday, October 1, 2010

running

Running this week....trying to get ready for the Rattle Me Bones 10km in a few weeks. Did 8km nice and easy today. I think I will be ok for the race as long as I go slow :) My Pace My Race...that's my mantra.

Feeling good, feeling strong, and you know what kind of beautiful today too.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Past Meets Present

I have wrestled with whether or not I should write this post. I have wondered if its appropriate, is it too real, is it something other's will want to read. In truth I think I have just wrestled with whether or not I wanted to admit this. But this blog is about my journey to health and well lets keep it honest.

This past weekend I had a run in with my past. Ryan and I went out to celebrate an old friend's birthday in the market. I haven't really been in a bar in the market since I was in my 20's, and in my 20's I was very much a bulimic.
We went to a pub that has changed names over the years but the layout is still the same and when Ryan asked if I knew were the bathrooms were I realized I did indeed know. I had purged in that very bathroom almost 10 years ago. I remember coming to that pub, eating chicken wings with friends, and then making myself throw up in the bathroom.

The memory of that kind of rattled me that night. It was just so surreal to be back there and to think of who I had been then and who I was now.
A lot has changed for sure. No longer a size 4, now plus size, no longer bulimic, now fit and healthy.

But I think what really rattled me was how that memory reminded me just how much that 'past' lingers. Did you know that I often have dreams of binging and then frantically searching for a place to purge. In my dreams the anxiety sky rockets while I meet an obstacle course of challenges to purge. The dreams are much like my other or any other anxiety dream. You know dreams like being back in school and having a test that you are not ready for, or going to work naked. I don't have these purge dreams often but they do happen. I suppose its not surprising when you consider I spent a good portion of my life bulimic.

When I recovered from bulimia I gained weight very quickly. I have spent the last 10 years overweight and have been recovering and healing in many ways. I have always thought that during this time I healed my mind and soul. I was and still am happier and more content as a plus size girl then I ever was as a skinny girl. I don't obsess over food, and it doesn't occupy most of my thoughts any longer. I changed my binging and purging behaviors over for just eating what I wanted and letting it go. All though healthier, I still had and have problems with eating for reasons other than being hungry. Now I have entered what I like to think of as my final stage in recovery. I am getting fit, and I am loosing weight. I am truly striving for total health.

When I started this final leg of the journey, I really thought that it was mostly physical. I thought that what I needed was to get fit, to move, breathe and nourish my body. But I am realizing that yes indeed there is still a mental part to heal.

I have been FAT for 10 years and in a way protected from my past demons. Does that make sense? A few years ago when I lost weight on WW...they crept back. I have written about this before, how the counting of points, and tracking what I ate and such felt too much like my old behaviors. During that time old thoughts crept back in my head, and while they didn't lead to binging and purging they did lead to the black and white thinking that led right back in to fat bliss. I say fat bliss because it was easier to just eat and not deal with the mind games.

But here I am again, loosing weight. I am loosing weight in a healthy manner. I am loosing weight slowly, I am exercising. I am not dieting. Yet...the thoughts are creeping back in. I don't have my fat bliss protection. Sunday night I ate the rest of the kids Pizza Cookie and afterward I thought..."oh dear that was a lot...oh my have I undone my hard work...maybe I should purge." I actually thought that. I haven't had that thought in a very long time. It scared me. I didn't. I banished the thought out of my head thinking of my kids. But still the thought had come to me and that scares me.

I think I am in a better place than say 2 years ago on WW, because I am not dieting. So far I have been able to eat the things I love in moderation. Doing this has helped keep me from the black and white thinking that leads to the binge and purge behavior or even the give up and get fat again behavior. I have recognized that there are certain things I just can't do because they 'F' with my head. Like the scale, that I threw out.

I know that this blog has helped me a lot. There is something about writing here that is so therapeutic. Whether anyone reads this blog or not, there is something therapeutic about knowing someone might read this. I like that it helps me stay real with myself.

So I end today with this....This journey really is a twisting winding road :) But its beautiful.

Friday, September 24, 2010

SWEET 16


Sweet 16

Years ago when I lost weight on WW I got down to a size 16 and it felt so good. It was a great size for me. I didn't stay there long and quickly started heading back up. Having thrown my scale away I have been measuring my success with other things, one of which is pulling my size 16 jeans out and trying to squeeze into them. 2 weeks ago I managed to get them on but I had to lay down on the bed to flatten out my pouch and pull hard to get that zipper up. Once in it was a crazy show to see watching me get up off the bed and standing.

I tried the jeans on again yesterday and was able to get them on with just a HUGGGHFFF of a pull, while STANDING UP. They FIT! Well let me clarify they fit tight :) wink. But they are on and I am standing up and I could bend over (um not comfortably).

From a size 22 to a tight 16 in four months or so :) LOL

Yesterday's fashion show was a huge motivation for me to keep on running literally :)

Maybe soon I can post a pic of myself in my fav jeans :)

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Step up Challenge :) DONE

Finally made it to a step class yesterday to complete my little challenge. When I started working out about 4 months ago I took a step class and it KILLED ME. I was huffing and puffing and close to puking. In my youth I flew over that step like some kind of aerobic fairy. So after 4 months of trianing spinning, running and pumping I thought it would be fun to try another step class.

When I did my first class I used one riser, but after seeing The Biggest Looser Premier where the contestants did 500 steps on 2 risers I thought I had better up the anty. So i did the class on 2 risers just like when I was the aerobic fairy :)

So how did I do? FREAKING AWESOME! I felt great, I did the advanced moves, the jumps and leaps, and the running steps. I still got lost in some of the choreography but that was because of my lack of coordination. This time when I was lost with no idea what to do I just made my own moves that challenged me till we moved on to something less dance like. It was still a killer workout, and I sweated more than I have in any other class!

People who do STEP are fit man!!!

So I went home had a glass of wine which led to 3 and OOOPS I was in bed at 8:00:) LOL

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Losing it in Ottawa

Have you guys checked out this blog? Losing it in Ottawa? Its a group of funny, full of life, REAL women sharing their journeys to health and weight loss. I have so enjoyed keeping up with them on their blog and on facebook. Today I have the great pleasure of sharing a guest post over there. Its about my friend the scale...wink :)

Army run: We did it


Ryan and I ran our first race together today. The Ottawa Army Run, 5km. We ran with our dear freind Yvonne.

First of all I have to give a huge thank-you to Yvonne. She suggested running the race with her just shortly after I had joined the gym, and I have to say that registering for this run is really what took me to the step in fitness. I went from going to the gym for a workout to going to the gym in pursuit of becoming something more, a runner, an athlete (Yes I dare dream!), a healthy person.

It was so cool being part of this experience today, from the cool shirt (that although very tight did fit, and certainly would not of 4 months ago), the cannon shot to start the race, and the dog tags earned at the end. While running I saw the names and faces of soldiers on people's backs and got the goosebumps, reminded then of what this was really about.

I ran with my husband and that was beyond cool, to share this together. So me being me (and those of you that know me will laugh) I said to Ryan just before the CANNON blast: "Hey if I am feeling good do you mind if I go ahead (we had planned on staying together)." He says sure and throws in the "then you won't mind if I go ahead either." So the race starts and we get separated. I am feeling good really good and going faster than I would normally. About half way in I think to myself "I am blowing him out of the water!" Well then I CATCH up to him, and I can't keep up. The frigger beat me!
It was my best race yet for the 5km, near the end I was dying and I actually threw my $15 fancy water bottle away because it felt like 20 pounds. To make up for the waste, I threw it to the side of the road with dramatic flair and took off.
My ipod says I finished at 34min and 28 seconds, and I am so curious to see what my real time is. Regardless, it was MY BEST run, and it was awesome!
After wards, we had breakfast with Yvonne and her hubby and enjoyed a guilt free happy fatty meal :)

One happy girl today :)

Friday, September 17, 2010

New Attitude = New Hair

New attitude needs a no do. Short and Sassy :) I think I like it :)

PS. the sweater fits!!!
See that crazy lady? That is the look of a girl who has just run 5km in 34 F'king 38!!! I finally got under 36 min on the treadmill. I felt like I was on fire today :) I downloaded some Sweet Surrender and Hold On remixed and it just made me fly.

I felt so damn good that when I was the groc store after instead of picking up a chocolate bar for a treat I picked up a cute top from Joe (found the elusive size XXL) and have hopes that it will fit :) One of my goals is to fit into Joe clothes again :)

Looking forward to my first 5km race this Sunday at 8:00am :) Running with my hubby and friend Yvonne and eating a big pancake breakfast after :)

WOOT WOOT

Friday, September 10, 2010

Underbelly

I realize this blog is starting to sound a little too lollipops and rainbows. Time to show you the underbelly of this beast, that rainbow days still have struggles. Yesterday, was not a great day. My allergies were AWFUL. I was a sneezing machine. I still managed to drag my (sneeze, cross your legs or you will piss yourself) self to the gym. I ran 5km on the treadmill and had my best time yet of 36 min and 4sec. 5 sec short of meeting my under 36min goal. I think I may have done it if I hadn't had to blow my nose so much, mind you I think the 2 extra strength allergy pills may have given me a little extra speed. I spent the rest of the day curled up on the couch in an allergy stupor. We left the house once, for Kay's kindergarten interview and on the way home I had the worst craving for timbits. So I got some. Did I get the small box of 10.....NO...I got 20. I ate 10 and 'saved' the rest for Ryan. I mean might as well drag him under with me, only he never did eat them. Yes, I polished the rest off while watching TV that night. I felt pretty gross after wards. I started to berate myself, and start the usual negative drill in my head. I was in full danger of heading back into the black and white zone. The zone of good or bad, no in between. The zone where one false move renders you worthless and unworthy of health. Luckily, I only made a pit stop and then squealed my wheels out of there. I am worthy. I ran 5km in 36 min and 4sec. I am going to be ok. 20 timbits are not going to undo me unless I let them.
I CHOSE not to let them undo me :)
Katie-1 Timbits-0

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Pain

Oh my poor feet. They feel broken. All night they hurt when I wiggled my toes or stretched my foot. When I got up this morning and put weight on them, OUCH. I ran 6km yesterday and then did a pump class. Its not like my workout was out of the norm. Maybe its just all the workouts added up that made them hurt. I am really hoping that a day of rest will set them right. Its not major pain, just a bit ouchy.
So needless to say I won't be doing step today and will save that challenge for later in the week.
I do have some fun news though, I cheated yesterday and got on the scale at the gym. I couldn't help it. Well the news was good. 30 pounds lost. 30 pounds in just under 4 months of working out 5-6 days a week. I have dropped 2 sizes in clothes. I would do the happy dance but my feet hurt.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Step up Challenge :)

I am posting a challenge to myself this week. I want to do a step class at the gym again to see how far I have come. When I first joined the gym about 4 months ago I tried a step class and well lets just say that I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO PASS OUT! It was so hard, and I had to stop and do the moderate moves. I am really curious to see how I would do now. Will it be like when I was in Uni flying over the step? Well lets see.

Hold me to this will you :)

Friday, September 3, 2010

Getting Stronger Every Day


Did a couple pages in my inspiration journal last night. May I just say I am addicted to resist! So I did a pump class yesterday and it was my second class with weight added to all the tracks, I was sweating like crazy. I am officially .45km away from my run 60km in 4 weeks goal. I have till the 6th the to do it. Laurie told me I should blow it out of the water so I guess I better have a go at a long run Sat :) Off to spin now :)

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Aginst the odds

Yesterday I made it to PUMP class against the odds. The day started off with Kasey under the weather. At first that was ok, she was very cute and cuddly. But cute and cuddly attached to you all day quickly makes for a very whiny other child and boredom. I ate all day long. My mouth was the express lane highway for carbs. I was supposed to do PUMP with Ryan at 6:30 but we couldn't both go with Kasey not feeling well. So Ryan went and the plan was I would do the 8:30pm class at the women's gym. 8:30 pm! Now that's practically my bedtime. I was tired, grumpy, carb ridden, and not feeling up to it.
But somehow some way I made it. I had fun too. I had a new to me instructor that was fun. I came home feeling oh so much better about myself.

Bonus...I added wight to all my tracks.

Lesson learned: Even when the day gets derailed, even when you have eaten to much...there is still hope of turning it all around...as Laurie told me..DON"T WAIT TILL MONDAY!!!

Monday, August 30, 2010

Inspiration Journal

I have been working on this inspirational journal for a while now. Its a place for me to keep pictures and records of triumphs along the way in the journey. Its been a fun creative project and I look forward to filling it with many more inspiring pages.